Ever wonder why some days your kids just seem to test you, rebel against you or resist everything you ask of them? That happened to me a couple of days ago and I want to share with you how I resolved this issue.

My family has been on holidays for the past two weeks. Due to a variety of life circumstances, my hubby and I were in need of a huge break from regular life. So, the fact that we had grandparents around, ready and willing to look after our kids so that we could sleep in and generally do what we wanted without the kids, felt like a blessing. The problem? We forgot one of the most basic rules of good parenting.

Let me step back a bit before I go into that. You see, when I say that my hubby and I were sleeping in and doing what we wanted I also must add that personally, I just wanted to be by myself. This may sound harsh because anyone who knows me knows that I adore my kiddies and I love spending time with them. However, the freedom of reading what I wanted and relegating all responsibility to my parents was kind of a nice break for a few days. For example, while we were out for a family walk I was holding my son’s hand yet my back started hurting a bit because my son was walking slower than me which made my back twist every time I took a step. So, I let his hand go and said, “Go hold daddy’s hand, my back hurts.” After a day of me unconsciously pushing him away I began to see some undesirable results.

That night, everything my husband and I asked him to do he resisted. He even used a snarky tone and said, “No, I won’t do that!” which is COMPLETELY out of character for him. What usually worked with him was not working and the resistance grew more and more as the night progressed. In fact, the evening ended with me putting the story book down at night and saying, “No story tonight. You’ve really disappointed me” and him crying.

Although this is difficult to share, as it is so unlike me (and him) I felt it important to share because this sometimes happens with the parents I coach. Everything is going great and then BOOM! Negative behaviour or resistance appears and they think their luck has run out and now this stage or age is going to be the difficult one. Until… I coach them on this important point.

Children’s main desire is to feel loved, and there are four ways that they feel loved.

They are:

1) Focused attention
2) Physical Contact
3) Eye Contact
4) Discipline

During those couple of days, I had basically removed all focused attention, physically let go of his hand, and didn’t give much eye contact except to discipline him. Are you beginning to solve that problem I asked earlier? Wow! You must be a parenting coach! No, you see? Parenting isn’t rocket science. It’s just about knowing a few specific things, being reflective and then taking action.

After my husband and I reflected on my son’s behaviour, we realized that WE needed to step up and change a few things. So, the next morning my hubby got up when our son did and connected with him. Not in a major way, just asked him questions and showed interest in what he was talking about. Then I woke up, came over to him, looked him right in the eye to say, “Good Morning, Sweetie” while I rubbed his hair (there’s that physical contact!) and then proceeded to interact naturally with him and the rest of our family. Later that morning, we told him we were going to go to our friend’s house so we all had to get ready. The day before he would have refused, but today he was willing.

After we got dressed we walked to the car and I asked him, “Can I hold your hand?” His response? “Of course you can, Mommy!” While we walked in silence he then snuggled into me, kissed my hand, and said, “Mmm… cozy!”

Our son was amazing and polite the rest of the day and that evening I left his room the way we usually do. Then, the child who is usually too shy/reserved to go up and kiss people came out of his room and to each of us (grandma and grandpa included) asked if we would like a kiss! For him to do this on his own was shocking as it’s out of his comfort zone for sure.

Some parents might say, that’s it? That’s really ALL you did and his behaviour turned around? Yes. It really doesn’t take that much for kids to feel loved and WANT to intrinsically behave, be polite and be happy. They will show you they aren’t getting what they need from you by acting out. There is ALWAYS a reason.

So, the next time you notice your kids acting abnormally different or worse, take some time to reflect and see if your children are truly feeling loved using the 4 criteria above then watch the way things can just “magically” change.

From NJ Family

BY TODD PATKIN

Overall, Americans are exhausted—and it isn’t surprising. Society tells us we should perform to a certain standard, look a certain way, weigh a certain number, make a certain amount of money, and more. Too bad that “perfect” lifestyle is impossible to achieve. Nobody can do it all, all the time. So when you inevitably take on too much and allow one of the plates you’re juggling to drop, you end up disappointed, tired, and miserable. Case in point: How are your New Year’s resolutions faring? Chances are, they’ve fallen by the wayside, and you feel like a failure.

The problem is that you set yourself up for disappointment by having unrealistic and unsustainable expectations. So here are 12 things you should resolve to stop doing now if you want 2012 to be your greatest year yet:

1. Give up on relationships that aren’t working.

Whether it’s a coworker who hands out backhanded compliments or a “frenemy” who always tries to one-up your accomplishments, there are people in your life who drain your energy and harsh your mellow. No matter how much you may want to make these relationships work, forcing yourself to spend time with negative people won’t do you any favors.

2. Stop being so darn nice.

Perhaps you’re one of those people who always blurts out what’s on your mind. If so, skip this item. However, it’s more likely you swallow barbed comments or constructive criticism in favor of a diplomatic response. You might even allow yourself to be taken advantage of occasionally to please another person. But it’s time to stop. Dishonest politeness doesn’t develop authentic relationships.

3. Stop working so hard.

No matter how good your intentions are, overloading on work will cause your relationships, mindset, and health to suffer.

4. Lower the bar.

Whether the issue is your appearance, your house, your family, or your job, you want to achieve as much perfection as possible. And you probably focus on what you do wrong and rarely celebrate what you do right. This year, realize you’re human, thus fallible, so it’s inevitable that you’ll be less than perfect or mess up now and then.

5. Ignore the Joneses.

We constantly compare ourselves to our friends, neighbors, coworkers, and even people on reality TV. But “happy” for you won’t look the same as it does for anyone else—and that’s okay! Focus on your own feelings and fulfillment. Don’t use another person’s life as a measuring stick to determine how good your own is.

6. Don’t focus on your spouse to the point where you forget to take responsibility for yourself.

Yes, conventional relationship wisdom tells you to focus on your spouse and to put his or her needs first. To a point, that advice is accurate: As a partner in life and love, you should be your spouse’s biggest supporter and coach. Just don’t let tunnel vision blind you to your own needs and responsibilities.

7. Stop giving so much.

If you don’t, you’ll eventually run dry. Many people in our lives want our help, time, advice, etc. Especially if you care for them, you’ll want to be accommodating. (Or perhaps you just have a hard time saying no.) For whatever reason, it can be too easy to keep giving to the point where there’s nothing left for you

8. Stop pushing your kids so hard.

As parents, we care about our kids, and want them to have the best possible futures. But you don’t need to become a so-called “Tiger Parent.” Too much pressure to perform can cause children of any age to burn out and make self-destructive decisions. In fact, some kids are experiencing symptoms ranging from stomachaches to severe depression due to the daily stress they encounter at school and at home.

9. Forget quality time with your kids, and focus on quantity.

It’s easy to use the words “quality time with my kids” as a free pass to focus on other aspects of your life 95 percent of the time. In other words, we think we can make up for working 70-hour weeks by going to Disney World, or catch up on the week’s events by going out for ice cream. But life is found in the everyday moments, not the big blowout trips. And kids are perceptive; they can tell if they always take second place in your life.

10. Cancel your gym membership.

I’m not saying give up exercising; if you’re a gym lover, continue going. But newbies should start with something sustainable, like taking a 20-minute walk around your neighborhood every other day. Exercise will make you feel more relaxed, stronger, and more capable of handling life’s challenges. It will improve your sleep, and it’s a natural anti-depressant that will help your attitude.

11. Stop obsessing over your health.

If you fret over every health threat you hear on the news or see on the Internet, you’ll be afraid to leave your house without a hazmat suit on. Just eat right, go to the doctor, and fit in as much exercise and relaxation as you can. If you don’t, the worry and stress will be what kills you.

12. Trash your goals, except for this one: be happier.

Like striving for perfection, being too goal-oriented can harm more than it helps. When you’re always focused on the next big thing, you’re perpetually anxious, don’t live in the present, and can’t enjoy the blessings you already have. Plus, taking a step back from “the plan” can bring clarity. You may find the direction you’ve been headed isn’t what you want after all.

Todd Patkin is the author of 
Finding Happiness: One Man’s Quest to Beat Depression and Anxiety and—Finally—Let the Sunshine In (StepWise Press, 2011), available at bookstores and online.

WOW—-WAY TO GO—-YOU’RE SPECIAL—-
OUTSTANDING—-EXCELLENT—-GREAT—-GOOD—-NEAT—-
WELL DONE—-REMARKABLE—-I KNEW YOU COULD DO
IT—-I’M PROUD OF YOU—-FANTASTIC—-SUPERSTAR—-NICE
WORK—-LOOKING GOOD—-YOU’RE ON TO IT—-
BEAUTIFUL—-NOW YOU’RE FLYING—-YOU’RE CATCHING
ON—-NOW YOU’VE GOT IT—-YOU’RE INCREDIBLE—-
BRAVO—-YOU’RE FANTASTIC—-HURRAY FOR YOU—-
YOU’RE ON TARGET—-YOU’RE ON YOUR WAY—-HOW
NICE—-HOW SMART—-GOOD JOB—-THAT’S INCREDIBLE—-
HOT DOG—-DYNAMITE—-YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL—-YOU’RE
UNIQUE—-NOTHING CAN STOP YOU NOW—-GOOD FOR
YOU—-I LIKE YOU—-YOU’RE A WINNER—-REMARKABLE
JOB—-BEAUTIFUL WORK—-SPECTACULAR—-YOU’RE
SPECTACULAR—-YOU’RE DARLING—-YOU’RE PRECIOUS—-
GREAT DISCOVERY—-YOU’VE DISCOVERED THE SECRET—-
YOU FIGURED IT OUT—-FANTASTIC JOB—-HIP, HIP,
HURRAY—-BINGO—-MAGNIFICENT—-MARVELOUS—-
TERRIFIC—-YOU’RE IMPORTANT—-PHENOMENAL—-YOU’RE
SENSATIONAL—-SUPER WORK—-CREATIVE JOB—-SUPER
JOB—-FANTASTIC JOB—-EXCEPTIONAL PERFORMANCE—-
YOU’RE A REAL TROOPER—-YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE—-YOU
ARE EXCITING—-YOU LEARNED IT RIGHT—-WHAT AN
IMAGINATION—-WHAT A GOOD LISTENER—-YOU ARE
EXCITING—-YOU ARE FUN—-YOU’RE GROWING UP—-YOU
TRIED HARD—-YOU CARE—-BEAUTIFUL SHARING—-
OUTSTANDING PERFORMANCE—-YOU’RE A GOOD
FRIEND—-I TRUST YOU —YOU’RE IMPORTANT—-YOU MEAN
A LOT TO ME—-YOU MAKE ME HAPPY—-YOU BELONG—-
YOU’VE GOT A FRIEND—-YOU MAKE ME LAUGH—-YOU
BRIGHTEN MY DAY—-I RESPECT YOU—-YOU MEAN THE
WORLD TO ME—-THAT’S CORRECT—-YOU’RE A JOY—-
YOU’RE A TREASURE—-YOU’RE WONDERFUL—-YOU’RE
PERFECT—-AWESOME—-A+JOB—-YOU’RE A-OK MY
BUDDY—-YOU MADE MY DAY—-THAT’S THE BEST—-A BIG
HUG—-A BIG KISS—-SAY I LOVE YOU—-AND… A SMILE IS
WORTH 1000 WORDS!

by Erin Kurt

A new year is about to unfold. Are you going to be in the driver’s seat as to how it unfolds? Or are you going to be a passenger in the backseat, just going along for the ride? We’ve all felt the way the latter feels. I remember when I would feel like I was a hamster running on a hamster wheel, just trying to keep one foot in front of the other. I’m not sure why I always use animals to describe how I feel, but I also remember describing myself as running around like a “chicken with it’s head cut off”. Basically, the essence of what I was feeling inside when I used to describe myself was a feeling of being out of control and just surviving. Is this TRULY the way to live life? Especially with children?

You see, when we live life like this everything seems complicated and becomes difficult. When we’re frazzled, our children seem to act up. Coincidence? Not really. When our house is cluttered and untidy, do our kids whine that they’re bored or are they hyperactive? Most often, yes. If we are always rushing from one lesson to the next, do we have a lot of extra patience for our kids? Nope. In the modern world we live in, it is very easy to let life lead us leading IT. However, imagine if you were able to actually CHOOSE how your daily life played out?

Imagine waking up before the kids and drinking a cup of warm water with lemon while you set an intention for your day.

Imagine having your kids wake up happy and get dressed quickly and easily.

Imagine having a place to put your things and your kid’s things so that you never had to be stressed and wonder where something is.

Imagine having regular routines or rituals that your family participated in each and every day or week that made you bond closely?

Life can be designed, but it takes spending some time and thought, and sometimes getting support, to make it how you would like. I encourage you to spend some time on New Year’s Day or the day after and write down three things you would like to have more of in your life this year. I’d also suggest you come up with two or three things that are not serving you and let them go – whether they be something in your schedule, your home, or your personal life such as a “friend” or an emotion.

The last part of this exercise would be to write out how you can acquire the things you want in your life. Do you need support, to hire someone, to schedule in something, to ask for help, or create a routine?

If you need a place to start with this whole exercise, here is a quick and easy activity for you. Doing this will help you see where you need to focus and then you can narrow it down even further if need be.

Read these statements and answer “yes”, “no” or “sometimes”.

1. My home feels like a cozy, calm space for me and my family, free of excess.
2. My schedule allows me to accomplish what I want.
3. I have all the time I need to replenish my energy.
4. My kids have routines that allow them to accomplish what they need to everyday.
5. I feel balanced and fulfilled, most of the time.
6. I feel like I easily provide nutritious meals for my family on a regular basis.
7. I have organizing systems in place that fully support my day-to-day life.
8. I set a good example for my children when it comes to how to live a balanced and healthy life.
9. My kids listen to me when I ask them to do something or stop doing something.

If you have much bigger dreams for your home, family, schedule, and life than where you’re at today and you finally want to be able to describe yourself as a stress-free parent, then do the exercise described above, and if need be, seek out the support you need to make your dreams a reality! Here’s to a fulfilling, meaningful and “in the driver’s seat” kind of year!

By KJ DELLANTONIA http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/12/07/the-predictability-of-tantrums/
Of course you knew that kids have tantrums. But you probably didn’t know that kids who have tantrums mostly have them in a neat, predictable pattern. Michael Potegal, a neurology professor, teamed up with James Green, a developmental psychologist, to look not at what causes tantrums but at how they work. They found three standard phases (video documented on NPR’s Shots blog). Phase One: Yelling and Screaming. Phase Two: Physical Actions. Phase 3: Crying and Whining.
You probably don’t need a researcher to tell you that your kid, in the throes of a tantrum, is going to yell, scream, kick, cry and whine. But what the modern parent seems to need more than our own parents did is someone to tell them that all kids (except the rare tantrum-free few) do pretty much exactly that. That wild irrational rampage (in the particular tantrum filmed for NPR, the toddler is upset because she wants a “corner seat” at a round table) doesn’t happen because your particular child is, and perhaps always will be, incapable of accepting the reality that’s in front of her. It happens because — well, it happens. As Jenny Anderson recently wrote of her 3-year-old here at Motherlode, after listening to a teacher talk about toddlers, “the tears of rage and frustration are nothing more than emotions run amok in a brain that is not yet capable of self-regulation.”
Most of our parents already knew that. Growing up with larger average families at a time when neighbors and extended family were often closer, our parents as kids had more opportunity than many of us did to see exactly what the range of normal is for a toddler (or an engrossed pre-teen). They stepped over screaming younger siblings and cousins, and then when they had their own kids, they shrugged in a way that most of us current parents do not. We see an unhappy kid, and we act.
Katherine Ozment, who’s just written “The Age of Overparenting” in Boston magazine, puts it down to a childhood of “divorce, latchkey-kid-dom and a nonstop diet of Twinkies and television” which led her, at some point, to decide to “be a better parent” than her own parents had been. The good parent does not step over the screaming toddler — unless she has scientific research supporting the idea that letting the child get past the anger on her own is the best thing to do for them both.
There’s a flurry of research now encouraging us to do essentially that in every aspect of our kids’ lives, much of it neatly outlined in Ms. Ozment’s article (worth a read for her willingness to cop to embracing the helicopter parenting that most of us deny we ever wanted, and for the fantastic illustrations). We should ignore the worst of the tantrums, not overwhelm kids with our attention or praise, let them fail, let them be scared or worried or even unhappy. We should be more like our parents and grandparents were, and less like ourselves. We should not, probably, get all caught up in research about tantrums.
But we do (if only for the pleasure of watching an irrational tantrum performance by a child who’s not our own). Are researchers studying the arc of the tantrum a sign that the “age of overparenting” is here to stay, or that we’re trying, in our hyper-achieving, overparenting way, to move past ourselves? Can a helicopter parent, or just a parent who can’t let a tantrum alone, ever really change?

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from www.erinparenting.com

Show me any two people who have fun together frequently and I’ll show you a good relationship. People who have regular fun together like each other and most often respect one another. This is a winning combination when it comes to the parent/child relationship. If both parties feel good around each other there will be less animosity, anger, resentment and discord and more ease, comfort, respect and happiness.

To like your kids you must enjoy them regularly. And for them to respond positively to your discipline they must enjoy and like you.

Unfortunately, in the hustle an bustle of everyday life, many of the daily encounters between parent and child go something like this:

“Time to get up.”
“Here’s your breakfast. No TV until you’re done.”
“Got you backpack?”
“You don’t have time to with the dog.”
“Come on, we’re in a hurry!”
“Don’t forget your coat.”
“Love you, bye!”
How was your day? Got any homework?”
“Leave your brother alone!”
“You have to finish your vegetables if you want dessert.”
“You can play outside for 1 hour. I want you back by 8 o’clock for bed.”
“Did you brush your teeth?” Goodnight.”

Now, how much mutual enjoyment took place on this day? None. The parent saw the child as a bundle of unpleasant tasks, and the child saw the parent as a bundle of directions. No relationship can remain healthy when this kind of interaction is the only feeding it gets.

The antidote? FUN!

When I interviewed over a thousand children around the world as to what it is that their mother or father did for them that made them feel totally happy and loved they said, “Spending one-on-one time with me.”

The possibilities or shared one-on-one fun are endless. Here is a list I’ve compiled over the years after talking to children and families:

1. Going out for dinner on a school night while everyone else stays home
2. Going to a movie
3. Going shopping
4. Going for a bike ride
5. Reading a novel aloud to them
6. Finger painting
7. Baking cookies
8. Playing card/board games
9. Going for a walk in the park
10. Going swimming
11. Doing a collection together (stamps, coins, dolls)
12. Visiting a museum
13. Planting a flower or vegetable together

Shared fun can also come in little doses throughout the day while talking, listening, expressing affection or telling jokes. The impact of these small things is astounding. Let’s redo the scenario described above to illustrate this point. This time, let’s put some FUN into it!

“Unfortunately sleepyhead, it’s time to get.” Dad rubs child’s back.”
“After you demolish your breakfast, you can watch a little TV.”
“Got you three-ton book bag?”
“Rufus sure likes you. Okay, let’ get outta here!”
“You’re moving quicker than I am this morning!”
“Good job remembering your coat, lovebug.”
“Love you, bye!”
“What was the most fun part of your day?”
“Alan, we don’t bug each other like that. You need to stop.”
“Only 1 more piece of broccoli, my sweet, and then we can enjoy a nice dessert together.”
“You can go to Ryan’s house for one hour until 8 o’clock. Have a great time!”
“Hey, welcome home, lovebug! Let’s head on up to the bathroom to brush those teeth.”
“Goodnight. I love you. See you in the morning.”

Lightening up, adding humour and spending some one-on-one time with each child each month is one of the biggest secrets to having a wonderful family life that doesn’t include a lot of stress or need to discipline. Try it and see the difference it can make! Your children will love you for it.

Holiday Toy Sale

Spend $15 and receive 10% off – Spend $40 and receive 20% off – Spend $75 and receive 30% off

Bring a Friend to Class in December

If your friend is NEW to Gymboree, you will receive a $20 Gymboree gift card if they enroll. Please schedule your friend’s visit with the front desk or email us.  If your NEW friend enrolls during their trial class, they will receive a parachute with their enrollment.

Help the Monmouth & Ocean County FoodBank

Until Dec 18, please bring in a non-perishable food item.

Try Another Type of Class

Always wanted to try a different type of class, December is the time to give them a try.  Just schedule with the front desk or email us.

Give the Gift of Gymboree!

Time spent with your child while making new friends and sharing happy memories at Gymboree is a gift worth giving (and receiving)! Gift certificates are available in any amount and may be redeemed toward

the purchase of an enrollment, a birthday party or developmental toys at Gymboree. It’s the perfect gift for a friend, family member or special someone in your life. The gift of Gymboree is one that will continue to give long after the holidays have passed! PURCHASE A GIFT CERTIFICATE TODAY!

Making New Friends on Facebook

We would like more Facebook Fans.  Please help us by sharing our page with your friends.  You can do this by going to the Gymboree Play & Music of Ocean & Howell, NJ facebook page and click on share which is on the bottom left side of the page.  Then insert the following “Become a fan of Gymboree Play & Music of Ocean & Howell, NJ. Once you’ve become a fan, post on Gymboree’s wall, the name of who shared this page with you.” before you click share page button.  The customer who gets the most amount (min of 5) of friends to become fans will receive a $25 Gymboree gift certificate.

Closed Dec 24-Jan 1 for classes except Dec 31^st in Ocean (regular class schedule)

but we will have the following Open PlayGyms:

During these hectic holidays, take some time for the family to play together. All siblings (0-5 yrs) no charge.

Tues, Dec 27 10:15-11:30am in Ocean & Howell

Wed, Dec 28 10:15-11:30am in Howell

Wed, Dec 28 5-6:15pm in Ocean

Thurs, Dec 29 10:15-11:30am in Ocean

Thurs, Dec 29 5:15-6:30pm in Howell

Sat, Dec 31 classes in Ocean (9:15am-Lev 3, 10:05am-Lev 5/6, 10:55am-Lev 4)

Sat, Dec 31 10:15-11:30am in Howell